Ink Blot

So, I’m waiting for some manner of convergence. It’s Ostara (Equinox), the Full Moon, and Good Friday all at once and I think I am waiting for some manner of energy to es’plode or something. I’ve been totally, 100% unable to do anything about it myself, except maybe watch it pass by. But I was looking forward to the watching.

Wee Bear was up all night, first time he’s done that in MONTHS, and I’m a little bit convinced that he knew something was afoot. Being 14 ½ months old, he wasn’t not super-good at expressing this, but he tried.

So, barring, WB’s fits last night, I’ve been rather disappointed on the whole power surge I was expecting. I guess there’s still time, but I coulda sworn it was going to be last night or nothing. I really was not expecting nothing. Maybe if I manage to pull my head above water on this whole ‘going crazy’ thing, then I will go and check things out for myself. As much fun at it is to watch things explode, its best to find out ahead of time if the cloud is mushroom-shaped.  

I’ve had a rather warped perception of time these last several months.  I’m fairly certain Thanksgiving was last week. And somehow, Christmas got condensed to about 17 seconds.  I JUST managed to get a check to the bank this morning before the 90 days were up on cashing it. Much to my Uncle’s annoyance. Time has been flying by alarmingly fast.  However, my new job starts in 2 weeks and I feel like I’m 10 years old staring out the window, waiting for the bell to ring so I can get on with my life.

Do I miss the moments in life because I am searching for the ’start’ of something? I’m not so good at realizing on a sub conscious level that Life Is A Journey.  How do you slow down from this break-neck pace on the track around the Sun to enjoy what’s there in front of you?  My tulips are peaking up now. I’m afraid I’ll come home tonight and they’ll be past blooming already. I told myself in October I’d clear the garden. Still hasn’t happened. Where did the time go. My baby is talking now. I’m itching to hear him say ‘I love you’ Afraid I’ll miss that entirely and he’ll go to ‘Fuck off, mom’.  I have a labyrinth rug in my house, as a reminder that the end is not the goal. It’s the path.